What is Perfection Anyway?

Our society is a bit crazy. It asks us to run faster than we are able, do more than we can, be more than we are.

Honestly, I am getting sick of it! Aren't you? Does it make any sense to you that all the messages that we receive from commercials, TV, movies, advertising, etc., all give a message of... "You are not skinny enough, busty enough, pretty enough, stylish enough, talented enough, etc. Why do we ever listen to those messages. Of course we are enough! We may have our weaknesses and places where we lack, but in some ways those are the very things that make us beautiful and endearing to others. I love the quirky things about my friends and family members. I hate watching people around me and people I love being tortured by the insane standards that our world around us pushes. These things cause anxiety, eating disorders, and self destructive behavior. It wastes our precious energy in places it is not needed.

 It is so important to have a relationship with God, our creator. He understands us perfectly, but also will always build us up and help us realize our value/worth. Can you imagine God saying, "If only your were charming/pretty/smart/etc. enough, I would find you worthwhile." No never! He can see your divine beauty in which HE created. He loves his creations more than we will ever understand in this life. If when we needed self assurance, we can get down on our knees and asked for it. I know that he would give us that sense of self that we so desire.

When the scriptures say, "Be ye therefore perfect.(Matthew 5:48 KJV)" They are not saying, make sure your home looks like a model home every moment, nor is it saying that we need to have a perfect appearance, well behaved children, or the things that we can see on the outside. To me it means that we need to perfect our spirits, our character, and be more like Jesus Christ. To be someone with charity, an honest and pure heart, to seek to serve one another, to teach and uplift each other, to reach out and save our brothers and sisters(people surrounding us, not just family) when they need it. To say sorry when we make mistakes, and forgive when someone harms or hurts us among other things.

Trying to be perfect on the outside is exhausting! It brings no real fulfillment. You spend lots of time and energy trying to create an illusion of having it altogether. The problem with illusions is that not only are they not real, but what happens when people find out that you really aren't on top of it all and that it is just a show. That adds an extra bit of anxiety for the person who is creating this picture perfect life. They worry that somewhere down the road, people will find out the truth about their lives.

Why are we so ashamed of reality? What is wrong with having a messy house some of the time? Keeping the kids in their pajamas all day? Staying in your sweats on occasion? There is something truly beautiful about being real and genuine and sometimes falling apart. I appreciate seeing my friends houses a mess because it tells me that I am not alone. I don't judge them for that. If they truly falling behind, it is a great opportunity to serve them. Why do we think that someone would judge or reject us when our house is a mess? Well, the truth is that there is always someone out there willing to judge your mess. But real and true friends will love you no matter what. It is not your impressive illusion that makes you valuable to them, it is who you are and what you bring to the life of that friend that matters.

What kind of people do you want to surround yourself with? Those who are real and will love you for you? Or those who need to be impressed and need to see a perfect picture in order to accept you?  I would much rather have the real people who care more about our friendship than what I have or how impressively I do things. I would much rather be loved for me, than have to constantly feel like I have to jump through hoops to be considered valuable.


“Strive for excellence, not perfection, because we don't live in a perfect world.”

― Joyce Meyer


So what is my definition of perfect? To be the person that God created you/I to be. To be true to who you are, okay with your flaws and weaknesses as you try to do the best you can with what you've been given. To be perfectly and totally 100% truly you! And so I challenge you to drop all the things that you are trying to be because the world says you should and be the person that you are. There runs the risk that you may lose a friend or two in this process, or that it might be uncomfortable at first. But if you do... You will draw the right people to you, you will end up where you need to be, and your life will fit you like it never has. Good luck on your quest to be you!!!

Women Let Us Build Each Other Up And Never Destroy

Wasn't there at time long ago where women relied on each other and instead of being competition with, they were a strength to one another? It is interesting how over time women have become more competitive and more likely to tear one another down. Women these days tend to judge and pick apart everything about the women around them. We might judge whether someone is a good mother(Even if it is just based solely on the way their kids look. Hair not brushed, face not washed.), a good wife, or base a woman's worth on how well she dresses, imperfect delivery of words, or the differences between each other that seem unacceptable. Maybe we don't give a person a chance because they are too pretty, successful, or smart. (Our reaction being out of jealousy in that case.) Whatever our reasons we as women spend a lot of time judging unfairly. In this error of thinking we miss out on the beautiful creations of God around us that could add to our lives and give it more beauty and color.

My concern and focus on women is this... Women are the mothers of the children around us, they are the nurturers. The ones who give birth to and raise all the people in the world, who soften the experience of life for all. If we knew when we had treated someone badly that it had trickled down and affected this persons whole family in a negative way maybe even into generations, how would we feel about our actions? What would we do differently if we knew that our thoughts, words, and actions were leaving deep scars, wounds? We need to take care of the women, mothers, sisters, and daughters in our lives and around us so that the true nature of women will survive..

There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize. Thus the commandment: “Judge not.”

~Thomas S. Monson

When we look into the faces of people around us who are either ornery, angry, or of sad countenance, how do we know what they are going through? Chances are, the way that they are acting isn't the whole story. Instead of making a snap judgment on someone we don't even know or because of one of their "bad moments" we need to think of the challenges that person in our life or around us might be having. Maybe "so and so" is being really short with you because her relationship is falling apart at home, or she is being battered by her husband. Or that woman whose hair is a mess today has a child in the hospital that she has been pacing the floor and worrying about all night. Even if a person is acting unreasonable and irrational there may be something beneath the surface that we cannot see. The sorrow or struggle in that persons life may be something that would be too hard for us to bear. If we would look into the faces of our fellow human beings with a compassionate and caring perspective,  that quite possibly this person may need our help, kind words, some sort of action on our part. If we took this perspective in the way we see the world, what might we avoid taking offense at, and how many other other things might change for the positive? We would undoubtedly have more of a Christ-like perspective! Our Heavenly Father CAN see our worth and he can always feel our pain and struggles, he doesn't spend his time judging us and mocking our inability to keep it together. He wants us to succeed and for us to be kind to ourselves in our own frailties and weaknesses, as well as to be kind to others and their challenges.

The television, Internet, etc., all have ads that give messages of if you change your weight, your chest size, your hair color, your clothes you can be beautiful/acceptable. If you buy this you can be beautiful/acceptable, if you do this you will be beautiful/ acceptable. The truth is that we are all beautiful and acceptable the way that we are. If you want to adjust or change something to help yourself esteem or to make you feel good about yourself, great! But it is important to love yourself where you are at, and others where they are at.  We all have something beautiful and wonderful to offer the world around us. We could all use a little extra kindness and care from one another. Imagine what a difference in the world there would be if we didn't judge unkindly and if we gave others the benefit of the doubt. If we reached out our hands to our families, our neighbors, our friends and built others up instead of tearing them down. We will be making a great contribution to society.
 We are all connected whether we accept that or not and we all have a place and a purpose in this life that is more likely to be achieved if we love and accept ourselves and others. If we ask others to change so we can be more comfortable with our lives we are making a mistake. (It is okay to ask someone to change their self destructive behavior out of concern for them.) Everyone needs to be true to who they are and what they are to become. We will all be more effective in this life if we are true to ourselves and who we are. How on earth will we fulfill our divine purposes by trying to be someone else? It just won't happen!

“Be Kind for Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Great Battle.”–

 

 

 

 

Picture by Mormonwomen.org

What am I Supposed to Learn From this Challenge in My Life???

Life has a lot of lessons to teach us if we are willing to learn them. Sometimes though, we have to pass through trials or hardships in our lives that we just cannot figure out. Wondering, "What is the point of this trial that I am facing?" It seems to me that there are some things that we are supposed to endure and bear and may never know why, or if any good came from those experiences until a later date. In order not to be broken or embittered by the hardships, we need to find a way to submit our own wills to the Lord's and trust that he won't ask us to pass through anything that we cannot bear. If harmed emotionally or otherwise in the process we need to trust that we will find healing and become more whole and better for it. Sometimes God has to knock down a lot of walls in our cottage in order to make it a castle.

Trying to submit our will to the will of the Lord can be a challenging thing. We are taught to go for what "we" want our whole lives to be self-serving and to achieve and succeed. But when we submit to the will of the Lord we are giving up our own wants for ourselves to the Lord's wants and desires for our progress.

Submit? I know, I have a hard time with that word as well. It has a kind of enslavement feeling to it doesn't it? I am a particularly stubborn and resistant person sometimes. I am writing about this thinking, "Yeah, wouldn't it be nice if I took my own advice about submitting my will to the Lord in the difficult circumstances that I find myself in?"  I am trying to do better. When we are going through things in our lives and try to resist the difficulty or take control of it, it seems that the intensity of the challenge just increases. However, when we let go and allow ourselves to go through the feelings or situation it seems like things go much more smoothly. We do need to take action sometimes and work at things, but we also need to be trusting of God and the universe and the lessons they have to teach us. Sometimes we need to sit still and wait for the storm to pass, or listen and wait for the answer to come. 

A lot of the pain and hardship in my life has come from thinking that I am in charge and that I can fix whatever is broken. Well, that is just not true! Many a mess have I made in trying to fix what is not mine to fix, or to control what is not mine to control. I am responsible for me and my choices, and others are responsible for theirs. It is not my job to fix or save everyone, it is my job to fix and save myself and help my family, and if I have anything left, I can help elsewhere. I am not sure I ever really knew what was "my" responsibility growing up because I felt "responsible for everyone" and their happiness, and continued into adulthood thinking the same. We need to be aware of where our true responsibility lies and make sure those things are taken care of first and foremost. If there are other ways in which we can help then by all means we can do that. But are so many mistakes to be made and there is much potential for regret if we do not figure out what we "are" responsible for.

When I think of life and how random it can be, unpredictable, sometimes unfair, and with good intentions you expect a certain outcome from a certain action later surprised to find a reaction at the end of it that you couldn't have prepared yourself for. This I believe is where prayer comes in. It is important to make the decisions in our lives a matter of prayer. To bring it up with the Lord and find out if that decision will bring you peace. We tend to go about our lives thinking that we know what we need and where we need to go. Sometimes we put all of our trust in ourselves and our own ability to handle things. But every single one of us will find ourselves at a point where we need to be added upon or helped by the Lord, or by the people around us because our own strength sometimes just isn't sufficient enough for the problems at hand.

It is important to embrace our challenges and to learn from them. To trust that as we are doing our best and turning to God in prayer, that we will make better decisions in our lives. That we will travel though our trials more gracefully and with greater ability to endure the things that we are called upon to endure. Sometimes our trials are brought on by our own mistakes and misjudgments, and sometimes they are brought on by no fault of our own. But even in mistakes, the Lord can use those experiences for our benefit if we will learn the lessons attached to those mistakes.

So my challenge to myself and everyone who reads this is... To have faith in God and his plan for you. Trust that there are reasons for the trials in your life that you are facing. Even if you cannot think of a single reason why this challenge is yours, trust that God has given it to you as a gift. A way to fix things in your own nature so that you are better prepared for higher things, and better prepared for the perfection of Heaven. God has a much bigger plan for you than you have for yourself and if you will let him work on you and make you better through prayer, his teachings(scripture), and experience, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that "we" will not be disappointed.

It is Best Not to Judge

How can we possibly know where people are coming from, what they understand or don't understand? We all come with a different tool set to take us throughout our lives. We all come from different situations. Some as children are raised in healthy situations as well adjusted children. Others have difficult childhood situations in which they spend many years or a lifetime trying to recover and become whole again. It is best not to judge how someone else is doing by our own perspectives and life experiences. In this, we might go wrong and hinder the progress of someone else through our judgements, or lack of response. It is quite possible that if we make the wrong judgements, we won't reach out a hand and help the one who needs help the most.

Due to many circumstances beyond my control as a child, for many years I felt like life was unfair because I didn't feel like I had the tools to take care of myself or even get by in the world. With many experiences and challenges where I just didn't have any idea of what I should do next to solve the problem. Relying on God(my LDS faith), my amazing and supportive husband, good friends, and feeling my way along. Sometimes I just felt, and still feel like I am stumbling through life assuming that others have the rulebook that I never got.

It doesn't matter how good someone looks on the outside or how much they look like they have it together, everyone around us has wounds. As you are finding it difficult to love and to reach out, remember that everyone out there needs sincere kindness sometimes, even if they don't react in kind. In showing that kindness you are planting a seed of healing within them and it may grow, who knows? And when you reach out a hand to others you are healing your own soul as well.

We should encourage others to be themselves and try to be open to the differences in others. and if we do that we are helping them along, cheering them on in the lonely path of life. Lonely, because we all have a path of our own that we have to take. Solitary but beautiful, our path is like an empty canvas, we can plant seeds of love and service all along our way and if we do, they will blossom colorfully and rich.

I have been the recipient of some very harsh judgments in my life and I know that it caused me to stumble and feel like I couldn't keep going at times. Let us not be the ones dishing out the harsh judgement towards others or involving ourselves in gossip that can only break someone down and cause their burdens to be heavier (when they might already be drowning in life's circumstances). Why don't we support each other in being uniquely who we are? Finding the joy in the diversity of each person we come in contact with.

After all, it is best not to judge.

The Fight to Be You

So often in life we have fight to be ourselves, or to have our own voices heard. Many voices and opinions from different directions tell us who and what we should be. In magazines, tv, from peers, friends, etc. If we listen and try to adjust to please everyone around us we miss out on a very important fact. The fact we each are different and unique for a purpose. If we are not true to who we truly are in our uniqueness we will not leave the imprint on the world that we could have. With our unique gifts and personalities, we are a gift to the people around us as they are to us. What we share of ourselves will make the world a richer and more beautiful place.

My goal is to inspire and enrich lives and encourage people to let their lights shine brightly to those around them. But it is not just about you and I. It is about being the beautiful creations that God intended us to be. To spread the light and hope of God. To focus on the good and the beautiful in the world. We can effectively spread the light and goodness of God through our good examples and through being true to ourselves and others. If we are true, we can be tools in the hand of God. Let us shine for Him!!!

"Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven." Matthew 5:16 KJV